I do not intend to make this a long, drawn out, sob story but I do want to make note of quite a few points to gain understanding. I am a 20 yr old male, seeking joint custody of my daughter (2yrs old.)
Things did not work out between my ex girlfriend and I and we broke up before finding out she was pregnant with my child. I was there from day one, willing and wanting to be a good dad for my little girl. For the first two years of her life I helped to support her, bearing the burden of her mother's violent outbursts and physical abuse. Never having called police on any instances (ranging from having glass dishes thrown at me with my daughter present to having a knife pulled on me over petty disagreements and her relentless jealousy,) giving her rides to work for over a year so she could support herself and my daughter, giving her money every month (mostly cash) and encouraging her to seek help for her instability, I thought that she would allow me to be a part of my daughter's life and would eventually mature. We lived together as a makeshift family for over a year, making things work as best we could and agreeing that we were not together and could see other people as long as they were not brought into our home or around our daughter for the time being.
In recent months I learned from neighbors that she had her boyfriend of six months visiting the home, with my daughter present, on numerous occasions. Once I informed her that I was starting to build a relationship with somebody, she turned bitterly violent towards me, on numerous occasions forcing me to stay with family or neighbors, locking me out of our shared home, and even calling the police on fabricated stories of abuse from me. Each time the police came out they saw that there was no harm done and witnesses verified this. The following day, after one such occasion, I came home from work to find our apartment nearly empty and a note from her stating that she could not emotionally deal with me seeing someone else and that she had made up her mind to leave.
She called me a week later to inform me that she had moved out of state and would not let me know where she had gone or supply any means of contacting her. She stated that when my daughter "turns 18, she will be able to decide whether she wants to see you."
Since then I have learned that she is in this state. I filed for joint custody last month, which I believe is fair for all parties. In her response she slandered me endlessly, claiming that I regularly abused her physically and emotionally and requested that I be allowed only 4 hours of "visitation" a month. She also asked for $800 per month for child support and $17,000 in back child support, claiming that I, in no way, provided assistance or support for my daughter.
I have evidence to prove otherwise but not to the extent of reciepts from the grocery store or proof of most of the money that I gave to her regularly. I have many credible witnesses to her violent outbursts and to my loving care of my daughter. However, I have been advised by many people, that in the state I live in, it is common for the woman to retain full custody and for the father to be allowed only "parenting time." It is a "women's rights state," according to the legal advisors I have spoken with and they have informed me that any domestic violence, whether by myself OR the respondent, is cause to disallow joint custody and that by any means, it is likely the mother will retain FULL custody.
I am hoping to obtain partial custody of my daughter, as I feel it is in the best interest of her and her mother, who admittedly is violent but a loving, nurturing mother to our daughter, nonetheless. I feel I need an experienced lawyer who will fight hard for my rights as a father in this "mother's rights state." I cannot afford the general $200-300 per hour rates I have seen for lawyers who specialize in such cases and definitely do not want to settle for a so-so attorney, as this is my relationship with my daughter on the line and I feel her future and my own is far too important to "settle."
Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
